If anybody is still out there four years later (!) here are the words from the Fivepenny Piece version of Big Jim, to be sung in Lancashire dialect, (and Scottish for Jock and the Judge!). I know it off by heart after having sung it with my parents over and over and over again on our journeys through Europe every summer!

BIG JIM

1. A famous Scottish angling club arranged to hold a match
And five pounds offered as the prize to him with the best catch.
Jock Thompson said, "Fer catching fish, good bait is what you need."
So he got to work at once big worms to try to breed.

Well he fed his pets on powdered milk, on baby food and whisky,
And when the contest day drew near, they were quite fat and frisky.
His favourite worm he called Big Jim. It really was a picture.
You'd 'ave thought he'd crossed a conger eel wi' a ruddy boa constrictor.

CHORUS: Big Jim were a worm, were a great big worm,
Were a great big, beautiful bloody red worm,
Large and fat, and just like a picture,
Crossed with an eel and a boa constrictor.
Fed him on whisky, which made him frisky,
On pies and a pint or two.
Big Jim were a worm, were a great big worm,
Were a great big, beautiful, bloody red worm.

2. Well the day arrived, the places drawn, and soon the fishing started.
It was a sin to puncture Jim and Jock was broken hearted.
And yet those five pounds must be won; he'd promised one to his daughter.
And so the dirty deed was done and Jim thrown in the water.

Chorus

3. Well some caught roach, and some caught bream, and some caught rainbow trout.
Some caught eels, and one caught seals, but most of 'em caught nowt.
Jock he waited patiently to give Jim chance to work,
And in a while his float did sink and gave the rod a jerk.

Well the fight went on for hours and hours. Jock couldna quench his thirst.
But Big Jim being the worm he were, the fish surrendered first.
And then the judge came running up and with him brought his scales,
When he saw the fish, he said, "Chuck it back, I'm no accepting whales!"

Chorus