Now that Tom Ridge has decided to resign to spend more time with his family (that's beltway-speak for take a job at ten times the pay with some outfit who wants to say they have a former cabinet secretary working for them), and Dubya's first choice for Ridge's replacement got shot down faster than an unregistered ultralight over Falluja, the job of Secretary of Homeland Security is up for grabs. Who better to fill the job than our own Joe Offer?

Yes, just think about all the thankless hours Joe has put in through the years deleting SPAM and racial slurs and posts from Gargoyle and Martin Gibson. Joe has done an outstanding job of protecting us from harmful outside influences. And he's done an even better job of protecting us from ourselves! The choice is obvious! Joe's the man!

Sure, he'll need to work on a few things like inciting paranoia on a nation-wide basis and kissing Dubya's ass, but those are skills that can be learned in a hurry. And with guys like Cheney and Rumsfeld to learn from it won't take a guy like Joe long at all.

So, whatta ya say, Joe? Do we toss your name into the ring? Just think, only four years and you can spend more time with your own family and just be rollin' in dough.