My mum is full of shit! I am not, never was, and never shall be in any state ever so vaguely resembling "in luv" with Ms Wellington-Jones nee Rutledge. It's just like my benighted mother to confuse being "in luv" with an accute case of diarrhea, which is the genuine reason for my recent withdrawal from participation in her boring existence. I knew the old bitch's hearing was going, but her smeller must be wearing out too. My God! The friggin' house smells like a shit factory!

I am ever so glad that Penelope and Winston have decided to take the matrimonial step. He is a prick and she is a bitch and they have both gotten what they deserve. May they enjoy long lives of mutual torture.