That's right. Most people are unaware that thousands of innocent young apes and monkeys are lured off each year in the USA and other supposedly "free and enlightened" modern societies...to become the hapless victims of reseach labs, vivisectionists, aphrodisiac dealers, circuses, unlicensed zoos, and just plain perverts! (Not to mention, professional primate haters and human supremacists.)

The usual method employed is the offering of free bananas, mangos, and other tropical fruits. The young primate is lured into the criminal's car and then spirited off to some hideous fate!

It is the nature of inexperienced apes and monkeys to naively trust the offer of free food from strangers. Despite efforts at consciousness-raising by those of us who have been around and know the score, our youngsters keep falling prey to these common ploys.

Well, now there is a special emergency line devoted to dealing with this problem. Dial 999 and you are immediately connected with the primate-related vice squad of your local police. All young apes and monkeys must be made aware of this immediately and supplied with cellphones and taught how to use them! Only prompt action will prevent further tragedy.

Tell everyone you know about 999 and save a young ape or monkey now!

- Chongo Chimp