To call cricket shite would be kind! Cricket is the most dead boring bloody game there is, and could bore the bollocks off a brass bull, but me 'usband loves it. I mean, 'e loves watchin' it! You wouldn't catch 'im playin' it anymore, but 'e tells me that in 'is youth 'e was the champion of 'is entire district. Roight! And I'm the Queen of England! I fink cricket is a good fing becoz it keeps stupid blokes wot might otherwise be roamin' around committin' public offences in front of their telly, and that carn't be all bad.

- Olive Whatnoll