A happy childhood memory: Mom and Dad took us to the circus. The opening act was elephants and clowns. The clowns were tumbling onto the heads of the elephants, over their backs, and down their tails. You guessed it! One poor clown tumbled onto, across and over...into about 300 pounds of elephant droppings, slid a few feet, jumped up and gayly ran for the exit holding his nose.

Another happy memory: at the zoo, some teenagers were teasing a female elephant by pretending to have something for her to eat and then when she came over backing away with the treat. Amid their glee they failed to notice a large bull coming up behind with a huge turd in his trunk. He flung it at the bars, it splattered into a shower of shit and the tormentors were covered in elephant dung while the bull trumpeted a victory call. I love elephants.

Of course a similar fate befell my Aunt Pat who ran out of peanuts and decided to give a ripe banana to a willing elephant. The elephant was not pleased, removed the nasty slop with her trunk and flung it at the bars. There stood Aunt Pat covered in partially masticated banana.

Now of course there are signs everywhere "Don't feed the elephants".