I played santa at Toys R Us a few Christmases ago. My agent was kind like that, always looking for work for me (Hm!)...

they put me in a little hut with plastic reindeer and an elf outside.

After a bit I got fed up with just doing the straight gig and I started making up a fantasy, The reindeer was a magic reindeer and the kids had to stroke him and make a wish. after a day or two, I started recognising the same faces turning up again. they had seen other santas, but none of them had a magic reindeer.

I liked the star aspect of the job, you'd do a 6 hour shift, and walk back to the rest room to change an all the kids eyes were on you. In their eyes , you were a much bigger star than say Elton John or Michael Jackson. Of course five minutes later when you walked out in civilian attire, - nobody recognised you, even kids you'd just been talking to - and that was weird. Of course they hadn't been talking to you - theyd been talking to Santa.

Some of the conversations were sort of heart breaking, a very poor kid would say to you - do you REALLY want to know what I want? They were old and cynical about life , before their time - but some residue of the magic of childhood vulnerability remained - and for a second it surfaced. You tried not to abuse that.

I remember the guy who did the first shift had put some books under the seat with Christmas wrapping paper covers and SANTAS BOOKS on the cover. They were Viz Annuals. i was determined not to bother, but after a couple of days I was devouring them in slack periods.

Christmas Eve - the store manager brought his kid in. Pissed off to be there a second longer than he was being paid - and as Frosty the Snowman , and that Pretenders song cranked out for the umpteenth time - he looked like he was being buggered with a pineapple, so uncomfortable did he seem
Tell the man what you want and then we're going, he snapped. The kid hesitated. Tell him, he almost shouted. the kid murmured....train.
Right, you've told him, we're off! he grabbed the kids hand...and swept imperiously away.
BUT he got accosted by some underling, as he tried to make his escape, and the kid sneaked backinto the hut, and I was launching into my magic reindeer routine....
WHEN SUDDENLY THE BOSS CHARGES IN, JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU're DOING! he thunders half at me, half at the kid. And thank God that was the last day.

I wrote two songs about my experience. One of them was on a Line Dance Album that sold a lot of copies but somehow I never got paid for. I occasionally see it in in old peoples homes, where |I do most of my gigs these days. the old folks like it to exercise to.

Merry Christmas to all Santas, amateur and professonal!