"Would You Like to Play the Guitar?"
Sung to the tune of "Would You Like to Swing on a Star?"
New lyrics by Pat Donohue

Would you like to play the guitar
Carry money home in a jar
From a coffeehouse or a bar
Or would you rather get a job?

A job is the thing that makes you get out of bed
And work every day until you're dead
Your back is achin and your brain is numb
And you just can't wait until the weekend comes
But if you don't want to starve or beg or rob
You're gonna have to get a job.

Or would you like to play the guitar
Drive for miles and miles in your car
And pretend that you're a big star
Or would you rather book the gig?

The agent's the guy who takes his twenty percent
What he says isn't always what he meant
He'll clean you out in ways you never thought
Because he's good at business and he knows you're not
And then he'll sue if you ever make it big
Cause he's the guy who booked the gig.

Or would you like to play the guitar
For a living ~ hardee-har-har
I'll admit it's kind of bizarre
Or would you rather be the wife?

The wife is the one who has to rescue our butts
She's either a saint or else she's nuts
She gets impatient and she gets annoyed
Cause she's the one who must remain employed
And by the way if you want to wreck your life
Become a gittar player's wife!

Cause all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
They can be trained to play guitar too
Some do a whole lot better than you
But even if you don't go far
You could be worse off than you are
At least you're playing your guitar!