"A letter to the Tide Company"

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have!
I've used it since the beginning of my married life,
when my Mom told me it was the best.

Now that I am older and going through menopause,
I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled
some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling
and uncaring husband started to berate me about how
clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in
the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with
a lot of his blood on my white blouse.

I tried to get the stain out by using a bargain detergent,
but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the
supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with
bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction,
all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out
so well, that when the detectives came by yesterday,
they told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative
and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer
be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my
husband. What a relief!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people...

(Signed)
A Relieved Menopausal Wife