Ah...librarians. Nature's fairest work! What was I thinking of when I suggested...?

Well, this was in my mind's eye:

A skinny, dessicated, woman with lips drawn so thin and mean that they cut cut paper like new scissors. She wears a black or dark purple gown of some kind, pulled in tight at the waist, and shoes that come to little points (all the better to kick you with). She wears those kind of glasses that go way out to points on the sides and are decorated fancy-like. The kind that female animals wear in the Far Side comic. She has a glance that can freeze your blood. She is a lifetime spinster with a heart that is shrunken up like a dried apple at the bottom of a mine shaft. She makes icebergs seem warm in comparison. She wields absolute and total authority over all she surveys...and she rules the realm of Absolute Silence! Anything that dares to be noisy in her presence DIES!!!!

Sadly, however, the classic librarian of yore is now a vanishing species, like Laverne the Bell Canada agent. They are becoming just like everyone else now.

Sniff! Sob!