A head exploded in Moscow recently and brought this terrorist weapon to our attention. We know now that terrorist could board an aircraft and use his head for a bomb by doing the Sunday NYT crossword puzzle! Today, I have directed the Transportation Safety Administration and the FAA to ban all heads on the nation's airplanes.

Nor can we let terrorists defeat this great nation by using their heads. After prolonged discussion with the National Security Agency, we have determined that there is a head gap. To protect ourselves, we must have -- we will have -- more heads than the terrorists! It will be a sacrifice for Americans, but today I call upon all of you to grow another head! Just one, but more if you can, and defeat the terrorist head bomb threat! My administration will pour whatever resources and money it takes into our now "Get A Head, America!" initiative, and we will do this without raising taxes. Remember -- get a head and defeat terrorism. For America. For your future and your children's future.

I thank you, and good night.