From the Borowitz Report:

   

Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor January 12, 2005

Breaking News

BUSH ACCUSES SADDAM OF TELLING TRUTH

Evildoer Knowingly Came Clean on WMD's, President Charges


Just hours after confirming that the search for weapons of mass
destruction in Iraq was over, President George W. Bush leveled his
harshest charge ever at Saddam Hussein, accusing the former Iraqi
dictator of "knowingly telling the truth" about not possessing WMD
in the months leading up to the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq.

"After years of lying about his weapons, Saddam Hussein willfully
decided to tell the truth about them," Mr. Bush said. "His
treachery knows no bounds."

After Mr. Bush excoriated Saddam for his "wanton truth-telling," he
added that "thanks to the work of our coalition, Mr. Saddam Hussein
will never be free to tell the truth again."

Mr. Bush argued that even though the stated reason for invading
Iraq no longer applied, preventing the former Iraqi strongman from
telling the truth in the future was "reason enough" to go to war.

"In the wrong hands, the truth can destabilize regions and even
destroy entire civilizations," Mr. Bush said. "In that respect, the
truth itself is a weapon of mass destruction - one that Mr. Saddam
Hussein will never be able to use again."

The president concluded his remarks with tough words for North
Korea's Kim Jong-Il, whom Mr. Bush accused of telling the truth
about his own weapons program.

Naming Mr. Kim a member of what he called "The Axis of Veracity,"
Mr. Bush urged the North Korean madman to cease and desist telling
the truth and to "join the community of truth-fearing nations."

Elsewhere, organizers of this weekend's tsunami telethon confirmed
that Fox's Bill O'Reilly would participate but would not be allowed
anywhere near the telephones.