I'm repeating what I've said in other threads (including the top two most recent references listed at the top of this page), but I'll say it again anyway:

Some folks seem able to start by working (and thinking about) the thumb and fingers separately -- i.e., learning to keep a steady alternating bass going with their thumbs, and then "layering on" a treble part with the fingers.

I could never have gotten started that way. I had to learn one-measure-patterns, and then entire songs, by rote -- and to play gazzilions of repetitions before developing any ability to play more freely, with the fingers very gradually developing a degree of independence. In time, I *became* able to more-or-less improvise with the fingers while keeping a steady thumb-beat, but to get there, I had to train myself to play whole-right-hand patterns first.

My first fingerpicking exercise was a pattern learned from Stephan Grossman, using the "Go to the groc'ry store" rhythm mentioned above. That first quarter-note is a "pinch," thumb and middle finger picking simultaneously. I think it's *very* important for the patterns and/or songs you use for early learning to incorporate piches as well as alternations between thumb and fingers -- all alternations with no pinches won't help you develop the "vocabulary" or "muscle memory" of movements and positions that you'll need if you want to develop further.

This is just a matter of "different strokes for different folks," i.e., different "learning styles." For those you you having success without resorting to step-by-step study, tablature, books & tapes, etc., more power to you! I'm speaking to those who are having the same difficulties I faced as a beginner.

I'd second many of the suggestions above: Stephan Grossman and Happy Traum as guys who have perfected the art of creating great teaching materials for this stuff, and songs like "Freight Train," Gary Davis's "Cocaine Blues," any and all Mississippi John Hurt (especially the standard-tuning songs in C, D, G, and A -- in that order!) for study, rote imitation, practice, and eventual digestion.