G'day Konrad,

I wasn't expecting my The Essential Ewan MacColl Songbook to cross the world for anther two weeks ... amazing these Post Office camels!

Here is my scanned version, from p. 259:

DRACUMAG
© Ewan MacColl, 1985

There's a bloke in Transylvania
who's said to have a mania.
He's under the impression he's a bat. (A vampire bat!)
But this feller they call Dracula
's not nearly so spectacular
At sucking blood and draining off the fat
As you-know-who.
You surely do!
She's working up an appetite for you.
She'll make a stew,
A barbecue.
She'll eat you, bones and all, before she's through.

She doesn't think that your old granny
should be sitting on her fanny.
Sheltered housing is a luxury, she feels. (A luxury we can't afford.)
It's a drain on our resources,
and it doesn't help the forces,
For it's missiles that we need, not Meals on Wheels.
And you know what?
It's got to stop!
Old people should be taken out and shot.
Shoot the lot,
Stop the rot!
Welfare's just another bolshie plot!

When she rises from her coffin
she's surrounded by her boffins,
By her ministers they call "the living dead." (All good chaps, really.)
And they sing their merry ditty
as they fly above the city,
Yes, and Countess Thatcheratoo's at their head.
So watch your step!
They're very good
At tearing out a throat to drink the blood.
Their appetite
Is very great.
They'll eat you in the interests of state.

She is filled with indignation
at the thought of education
Being subsidised and bolstered by the rates. (It just isn't fair!)
Nursery schools and swimming classes,
leisure-centres for the masses,
Yes, and dustbins emptied free the lady hates.
Do you know why?
Because they're dopes!
(They proved it when they handed me their votes.)
So cap the rates
And cut their throats!
(Time to bring back flogging and the rope.)

When Count Dracula is lurkin' in the shadows he's a-workin',
One by one his victims fall to tooth and claw.
But the lady's had instruction
in the use of mass-production
And she sucks your blood protected by the law. (Splendid law)
So be alert,
And watch your back!
It's when you least suspect her she'll attack.
Don't let her fit
You with a cap -
Her policies are just a load of crap!

So-when you hear the vampires yappin'
with their talk about rate-cappin',
Then it's time to load your double-barrelled gun.
When the councils they are sacking
and communities are cracking,
Then it's time to send them back from where they come.
And drive a dart
Right through the part
Where there would be a heart if she'd a heart.
Now don't delay!
Do it today!
To deal with vampires it's the only way.

Music note: The italicised phrases were spoken in as near a Maggie manner and as much a Thatcher accent as possible.

OK ... ? (Or do you need the tune ... ?

Regards,

Bob