In which case I certainly do not meet all obv that criteria either as I am certainly not fat! I would, however, not mind it very much if I had a large French woman to sit on the edge of my bathtub, mewing and purring while I make my morning ablutions.

I wish that these incessant attacks and innuendos directed against me would cease!! I am not, nor ever been near to being a French cannibal, goose liver nor should I ever be regarded as a drooling, gibbering donkey!! The moon is full, the tide is high and my cone is completely erect. I am at the zenith of mental capacities!!

Yours, fully erect,
Tweed