Help!!!

Bee-dubya's rollin' in th' floor an' he cain't git up! Keep's mutterin' sumfin' like, "Weed your lane drain truck!" No, that's not it. Oh! It's "Tweed, you lamebrained fuck!" I wonder if I should call 911? Nah! Fuck 'im. Serves th' sumbitch right fer disappearin' after thet storm an' leavin' me t' figger out how t' cook them damm MRE's all by muhself.