I learned "Ye Cannae Push Yer Granny Off a Bus" years ago, from I forget who. It went to the tune of "I Was Born About Ten Thousand Years Ago."

YE CANNAE PUSH YER GRANNY OFF A BUS

Oh, ye cannae push yer granny off a bus (2)
Ye cannae push yer granny,
For she is yer mammy's mammy,
Oh ye cannae push yer granny off a bus.

Oh my Granny wears an awfu' scratchy vest [scratch, scratch]    (2)
Oh my Granny wears a scratchy
All ripped aroon an' patchy,
Oh my Granny wears an awfu' scratchy vest.

Oh my Granny ears her porridge wi' a fork   [slurp, slurp]    (2)
Oh, my Granny eats her porride
An' her bowl is ower larridge,
Oh, my Granny ears her porridge w;' a fork.

Oh, we'll all go roon' tae Granny's for our tea [Hello, Granny, slurp, slurp,
                  scratch, scratch]       (2)
We'll all go roon' tae Granny's
An' we'll sit our little fannies,
An' have tea with Granny solemnly.

Ye can shove yer other granny off a bus,    [scream]    (2)
Ye can shove yer other granny
'Cos she's yer daddy's mammy,
Ye can shove yer other granny off a bus.