Sir, my sofa IS a one-horse open sleigh. This is, after all, The West. The home of the cowboy, of the mountain man, of the dance-hall girl with the heart of gold, of the shootist, of biker babes, where the smart started and the tough died on the way. Not some namby-pamby drag scene like San Diego.

We stable our horses in our living rooms, sir. It shows how much we care for our horseflesh, and putting up with flies and odors shows just how tough we are and how much character we have. I'll be willing to bet that you've never said, "Well, gotta go muck out the living room" -- and really meant it.