In the 1960's and 1970's my father worked for a time at Yorkshire Impreial Metals, a steelworks and foundry in Leeds (West Yorkshire, UK). The firm maintained a transport depot in the nearby town of Brighouse.
The state and availability of the toilets and other other conveniences at the Brighouse depot were the subject of endless correspondence between Yorkshire Imperial's management, the local authority, the Transport and General Workers' Union, the Public Health Inspectorate and several other parties. This correspondence filled several box binders which were known collectively as "The Brighouse Sh*thouse File"
The two letters at the top of the latest box file (and which must surely have been a spoof or an April Fool by somebody read:
"Dear Sir
In view of the present deadlock in discussions between all parties, we have decided to close the conveniences until further notice. To this end, please find enclosed: One Yale padlock; One hasp (brass); Four screws (brass); Two keys;"
The reply read:
"Dear Sir
I regret to inform you that I am unable to comply with the instructions in your last letter. In your next correspondence, please include: One door, 7'1" x 3'4"; Two sets hinges (including fastening plates and necessary screws)."