Hmmm, speaking of the A.L.F...

For the last fifteen years I been comforted by the fact that I've lived in a town known for nothing. Yep, I was even contemplating getting tee shirts and bumper stickers made that would read, "Welcome to Sultan, the town known for nothing." I suppose it was inevitable that our lucky streak wouldn't last forever.

Many had high hopes when the hundred-year flood hit a few years back, and water began rushing over Highway 2 toward Main Street. Unfortunately, the flood over the roadway was less than an inch deep and only about a foot wide. Nevertheless, the city fathers handled the emergency with all the fervor they could muster. There were barricades, and flashing lights, and police directing traffic through the torrent. The police intervention actually created more of a traffic headache than the water ever did. News crews, with truck mounted satellite dishes, were dispatched to take pictures and report on the latest breaking flood levels to cripple the city. We even made the local evening news. Excited, after catching the news clip, we walked down to Main Street to see what all of the hubbub was about. But in reality it wasn't anything more than just an oversized trickle. There were no sinkholes or mudslides. There wasn't any loss of life, and no significant property damage to the town. There was, however, this one rumor circulating at the time, about a woman who went to use the toilet and found a rat inside. They said it had crawled up there because the sewer lines were flooded, but there was no way of confirming that.

I had a friend who always joked that he lived in a sleepy little town in Illinois known for nothing. Then, about the time he was getting ready to print up a batch of tee shirts and bumper stickers that read, "Welcome to Quincy, the town known for nothing." the Mississippi River flooded its banks, destroying hundreds of thousands of acres of farmland and wiping out entire communities. Quincy, as it turned out, became nationally known as having the only surviving passable bridge across the flood-swollen Mississippi, and to top it off their local sports team won the state championship. The town celebrated the victory with a parade of about three cars that honked their horns wildly down Main Street.

Sultan's brush with fame wasn't nearly as awe inspiring or glorious. It wasn't a retrospective about the one rock and roll festival to start the whole rock fest movement rolling, that happened right there in Sultan, The Sky River Rock Fest. It wasn't news confirming the much rumored existence of a nudist colony located somewhere on the outskirts of town. No, Sultan's recent moment of glory was having the Animal Liberation Front claim responsibility for the release of about ten thousand mink from a local farm.

Owed To The A.L.F. (Reggie Miles 2005)

Have you heard about the latest stink?
The liberation of ten thousand mink

Oh what a glorious sight to see
As thousands of minks were all set free

What relief they must have felt
To not to have to shed their pelt

And oh what minky jubilation
To finally get their overdue mink vacation

Set loose to roam the countryside
Some tried to hitch a ride and died

And others suffered from dehydration
Which resulted in their expiration

Many were recaptured they say
To spend their lives in the usual way

Destined to fill the furrier's need
To give their lives for furry greed

Caged until their time was done
Then murdered every single one

In this day and age we should reform
We don't need to kill animals to keep warm

Poly fill can do the trick I think
So murder polyesters and save the mink

Save the mink, save the mink
Murder polyesters and save the mink
Poly fill can do the trick I think
So murder polyesters and save the mink

And what will the Animal Liberation Front do?
When the last mink is spared by me and you?

Will their needless vandalism cease or pause?
Or will they take up the freedom for polyester cause?

Tearing open coats to liberate the poly fill
You know what I think? You bet they will!

And finally when every last polyester thread
Is freed from sleeping bag, pillow and bed

And we all lay shivering through the long cold night
Without rest, to the ALF's delight
Then, will we at last arise to fight?

With bags under our eyes from lack of sleep
Will we allow this domestic terrorism to continue?
Or just resume counting sheep?

Baa, one, baa, two, baa, three, baa, four

Save the mink, save the mink
Let's all murder polyesters and save the mink
Save the mink, save the mink
We should murder polyesters but save the mink