Man, I seen this trhead and I am, like, proud, eh? Canada is my flippin' home and native land and I would be prepaaired to, like, fight anyone who thinks it ain't the best flippin' place there is! Flip-faced George F-in Bushwah thinks he is gonna take out Blind River because of the loomin' beer shortage, eh? Well he is ROYALLY FLIPPED!!! We will kick his flippin' Texas ass from here to Shawinigan, eh?

I am still in jail. The food keeps gettin' better. We got pork chops tonight. Officer Dana was real pleased to get the valentine I give her yesterday. She turned all red and tried to, like, act tough about it, but I know she was happy. Officer Dana is a real woman and a half...but I mean, with a good figure, eh? Like a figure skater. I wanta marry her when I get out, but I know that I am gonna have ta clean up my act some. I figure that maybe I should start washin' my socks once in a while and stuff like that.

She don't like heavy metal music. She said so. I can't figger that, but maybe she will like it later if I get a chance to, like, explain the lyrics to her. You gotta, like, unnderstand what Ozzie is talkin' about before you, like, judge him, eh? The man is DEEP.

That guy Snake in the next cell has got me and Don (my brother) worried. He has a weird flippin' attitude. I don't think he likes us none, and the feeling is muchewall, eh? He is a flippin' mental bolthole with a hostillity problem. No wonder the flippin' loser is in jail! He's a menace to society. I woulda put him in jail first thing if I was a cop...or else just shot him.

This bein' Canada, I figger the wheels of justice will soon have me and Don outa here, and then we can do our public dooty and warn society of the comin' beer shortage! And I can marry Officer Dana. The future depends on me and Don. Man, that is a heavy thought! I never reelized my life would be this sidnificant. Majorly cool. I am gonna suck my gut in and face the challenges. My, like, hour has come to walk the plank of destiny.

- BDiBR