ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT?
Homer & Jethro (RCA 47-7852, 1961)
(Turk - Handman / Henry D. Haynes - Kenneth C. Burns)


Are you lonesome tonight?
If you are, serves you right!
I'm so happy you left me at last!
I can still hear you roar,
Make the beds, mop the floor,
Do the laundry, and then mow the grass!
You took me for a boat ride,
I had to swim back!
Darling I thought I'd never
Get out of that sack!
Should you fly back again,
Park your broom and come in,
Darling, that's why you're lonesome tonight!


[Spoken]
Short Spear once said, all the world's a stage. It ain't much of a line, but if it's good enough for Elvis, it's good enough for us.


Act one:
You took me home to meet your folks and I can still hear your father whispering, "Son, that girl's cross-eyed, knock-kneed, strong-headed, bucktoothed" and all you said was, "oh pa, you don't have to whisper, she's deaf too".


Act two:
Our engagement lasted ten years, 'cause I wouldn't marry you when you was drunk.

Yeah, and I wouldn't marry you when I was sober.


Act three:
The only romantic thing you ever said to me was, that I creeped into your heart, and I creeped into your brain, creeped into your mind.

No, all I ever said was that you is the biggest creep I'd ever seen.


Act four:
We finally settled down in our little honeymoon cottage and every Friday night our friends and neighbours come over to watch the fight.

Yeah, we didn't ever have a TV set, but we had a fight every Friday. One night I blacked your eyes, broke your nose and knocked your teeth out and you got chicken and called the cops.

You told 'em not to believe a word I said, 'cause I was punch drunk.


[Sung]
So, I'll miss you my pet.
Every chance that I get!
Darling, that's why you're lonesome tonight!

But I won't be for long...