I don't want to have a funeral. just bagged and burned. the time to say nice things to and about people is when they're alive.

I get bored at weddings too.

The idea of all these buggers who wouldn't as much as buy you a drink when you were alive, all sitting there in the crem, having a hootenanny.....no doubt with a pie and chips and a raffle in the middle for free entry to next weeks funeral.

then the vicar starts up, We are her today to remember and pay homage to the life of ....shit I've forgotten the words...

Well ....I suppose at least you wouldn't be there.

Big Al Whittle