The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #79224 Message #1454350
Posted By: Roger the Skiffler
07-Apr-05 - 09:36 AM
Thread Name: BS: Second Joke Thread for 2005
Subject: RE: BS: Second Joke Thread for 2005
(I hope this isn't one that's been posted before) >>Today's Joke >> >>The Stella Awards >> >>It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." >>The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled >>hot >>coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case >>inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful >>lawsuits in the United States. >> >>Here are this year's winners: >> >>5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 >>by >>a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who >>was >>running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were >>understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving >>little >>toddler was Ms. Robertson's son. >> >>5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and >>medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. >>Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the >>car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. >> >>5th Place (tie): >>Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just >>finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage >>door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He >>couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and >>garage >>locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson >>found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case >>of >>Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's >>insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury >>agreed to the tune of $500,000. >> >>4th Place: >>Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical >>expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's >>beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award >>was >>less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a >>little >>provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into >>the >>yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun. >> >>3rd Place: >>A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, >>Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her >>coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had >>thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. >> >>2nd Place: >>Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night >>club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the >>floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton >>was >>trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the >>$3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. >> >>1st Place: >>This year's run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, >>Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor >>home. >>On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the >>freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers >>seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the >>RV >>left the freeway, crashed and overturned. >>Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual >>that >>she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new >>motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of >>this >>suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.