Best Fruit Cake Ever

Ingredients:

1 cup butter, 1 cup sugar, 4 large eggs, 1 cup dried fruit, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 tsp salt, lemon juice, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 or 2 quarts whiskey

Steps:

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good isn't it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With a electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp of thuger and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another tup. Open second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of fried druit and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, thecking for tonsicisity, then sift 2 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter. Sample the whuskey. Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar,or whatever color you can find and wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the whiskey again, and bo to ged.