I'm the son of a bolt of lightning and magnitude 10 earthquake! When I was born the mountains were raised and the seas boiled! I suckled on 40-rod whiskey and was weaned on barbed wire, and when I was a baby in the cradle I had a live panther for a dolly. Two days after I was born I could out-scream my dolly and walk fifty miles across the burning desert sands wearing rattlesnakes for shoes! Each of my fists is like a cobalt bomb, and if I were to hit you you'd know first hand what happens when you are sucked into a Black Hole! I pull out aching teeth with my fingers and drive in 20 penny spikes in their place! I can out run, out shoot, out wrestle, out lie, out talk, and out drink any man and prit' near any woman! I kin start dancin' at sundown and dance clear through to next month and never stop to take a breath! Angels call me for singin' lessons, and God himself begs me to sing for his dinner entertainment! I know everything in every book ever written and everything in every book that ever will be writ! Woman beg for me, men fear me, and coral snakes die if they bite me! There ain't no horse I can't ride, horn I can't toot, or thing I can't do!
















How's that?