Time to dust off this old office copier killer:

What Your Car Says About You

Acura Integra
I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars


Acura Legend
I'm too bland for German cars


Acura NSX
I am impotent


Audi 90
I enjoy putting out engine fires


Buick Park Avenue
I am older than4 of the 50 states


Cadillac Eldorado
I am a very good Mary Kay salesman


Cadillac Seville
I am a pimp


Chevrolet Camaro
I enjoy beating the hell out of people


Chevrolet Chevette
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette


Chevrolet Corvette
I'm in a mid-life crisis


Chevrolet El Camino
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government


Chrysler Cordoba
I dig the rich Corinthian leather


Datsun 280Z
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well


Dodge Dart
I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower


Dodge Daytona
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car


Ferrari Testarossa
I am known to prematurely ejaculate


Ford Fairmont
(See Dodge Dart)


Ford Mustang
I slow down to 85 in school zones


Ford Crown Victoria
I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them


Geo Storm
I will start the 11th grade in the fall.


Geo Tracker
I will start the 12th grade in the fall.


Honda del Sol
I have always said, half a convertible better than no convertible at all


Honda Civic
I have just graduated and have no credit


Honda Accord
I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.


Infiniti Q45
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.


Isuzu Impulse
I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.


Jaguar XJ6
I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.


Kia Sephia
I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.


Lamborghini Countach
I only have one testicle


Lincoln Town Car
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers


Mercury Grand Marquis
(See above)


Mercedes 500SL
I will beat you up if you ask me for an auto-graph


Mercedes 560SEL
I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole


Mazda Miata
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen- wheeler


MGB
I am dating a mechanic


Mitsubishi Diamante
I don't know what it means either


Nissan00ZX
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.


Oldsmobile Cutlass
I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts


Peugeot 505 Diesel
I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List


Plymouth Neon
I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena


Pontiac Trans AM
I have a switchblade in my sock


Porsche 911 Turbo
I have a three inch thingie


Porsche 944
I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me


Rolls Royce Silver Shadow
I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal


Saturn SC2
(See Honda Civic)


Subaru Legacy
I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu


Toyota Camry
I am still in the closet


Volkswagon Beetle
I still watch Partridge Family reruns


Volkswagon Cabriolet
I am out of the closet


Volkswagen Jetta GLX
I am hung like a dead horse.


Volkswagon Microbus
I am tripping right now


Volvo 740 Wagon
I am frightened of my wife