From "WC Fields and Me"

Fields was being interviewed by the IRS regarding his tax return. He had been claiming a case of gin every month as a business expense. When asked to justify that he replied, "I'm a comedian. When I'm not drunk I'm not funny." The IRS went on to inquire about donations to a 'home for Chilean bastards'. Fields responded, "Yes. I gave to the Peruvian bastards LAST year."