Never crticise your fellow performers

Particularly unaccepatable are phrases like :- Beam this bastard up Scotty; this guy could do with a voice transplant; morris dancer...more like a volvo with that bum...; didn't they give him instructions with that guitar when he bought it....?

All the really crap performers are personal friends of the organiser, and that 20 stone one standing next to you, with the beard and the pewter tankard hanging from his belt - that's his mother - so watch it...!