Today's story (the way I would have written it for FOX)


An LAPD officer was wounded in the shoulder when a father run amok began firing a pistol while holding his baby daughter. The mother screamed to police to let her husband cool off but cooler heads prevailed and a hail of police gunfire successfully ripped through the baby and killed the gunman.
The mother is taking this rather hard and is now screaming for yet another frivilous investigation. A spokesperson for the police department has reminded the public that they do not negotiate with terrorists. We are currently at a partial code orange.