Okay, here's some excerpts:

        Harry gazed up and greater fear than he'd ever known before in his life stabbed through him. At the same time his scar blazed with such pain that he collapsed, staring up at the sign swinging in the gentle breeze, the sign reading "Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, Attorneys-At-Law."

        "Of course there are girls upstairs at the Three Broomsticks! Why do you think they call her MADAME Rosemurta, anyway?" asked George incredulously.

        "Harry," said Hermione quietly, "these tests don't lie. You have to face the fact that Severus Snape is your father."
        
       "For God's sake, Weasley," drawled Malfoy, "roll off her and let Crabbe show you how it's done."
        
        When Snape had his back turned again, Hermione whispered to Ron, "You know, you can stir around in my cauldron anytime."

        She flicked her long black wand against her tight leather pants and purred, "It's MISTRESS Ginny, Potter, MISTRESS Ginny. Now get down on your belly and beg Mistress's forgiveness like a good little worm."

        McGonigle pointed her wand at Dumbledore and shouted "Viagra!"
        
        "Great man, Dumbledore," murmured Hagrid. "A bit of a twit, but a great man all the same."

        "Ah, Harry," said Hermione, looking pale. "You know the other night...and, well, I got the spell wrong...and, oh, Harry, you were right! You were right! The words WERE 'Contra Ceptio' and not 'Pro Ceptio.' What are we going to do?! Harry?.. Harry?"

        "Harry," whispered Angelina, "why don't you let me show you some positions you won't find on the Quidditch field?"

        "Sorry, Malfoy," grinned Harry. "I thought it was the snitch. You know, you really should either wear underwear or fasten your robes when you play Quidditch or accidents like this will happen."