Wow, man. I had a French teacher that I seriously would of liked to get totgether with after school fer some exrtracorricular activiites..know what I mean? Miss Robitaille. Holy flip. I never forgot her, eh? She was a fox and a half. You can take that to the flippin' bank, man.

Anyways, I met my wife-to-be (Officer Dana of the O.P.P.) not too long after me and my brother Don got flippin' arrested for bustin' into the Beer Store in Sudbury. Akshally, it was 3 Beer Stores, a hardware store, and a tattoo parlor, and a stolen school bus, eh?

But it was all in a good cawse. Me and Don are public bennyfacters. I figger that is why we got outta jail early.

But bakc to the wife-to-be, Officer Dana. She just gets better lookin' every day. She is an athlete, man. Fits the uniform like a flippin' glove. Or the other way around, I mean. She don't know we are gonna be married yet, but we will be. I am puttin' my life in order here, writin' articlkes for the paper and tryin' not to get drunk befoer nooon. Usually.

I have fans. That is kind ofa problem becoz some of them are girls, and I get tempted. Severely tempted. Officer Dana don't seem to mind that too much so I guess she is real secure in her own self and don't worry or get jealous. I sure hope so.

I figger we will have the biggest flippin' wedding in the history of Blind River. And it will be atteneed by 2 gropus of people:

1. Cops. Lots of them.

2. the people the cops are usually after...my friends!

It's gonna be a flippin' HOOT, man! I can see it in my mind's eyes. Me in a flippin' tuxedo and her in a white dress...with black lace underwear. Oh yeah! My whole life is reaqching a transbendental crashendo here and it's all because I knocked over a flippin' Beer Store.

Destiny is weird, eh? God must love me.

- BDiBR