Sabine, I'm so sorry for your loss. I too, understand what it's like. You said, "And now she's gone. I can't understand it." It does take a while to get your head around it. She remains with you in so many little ways, in your heart, in your memories, in the things you say and do, in the many things she taught you. A day will come when these little recognitions of her presence will make you smile. Take good care of yourself as you weather this heart storm. Know that good thoughts are coming your way from afar. KT