Why do people keep talking about growing a beard as if that was an action you did? It isn't, except in the sense that breathing is an action. If you are male, a beard is what happens once you are grown, unless you go through some regular shaving ritual.

Some people stick safety pins through their cheeks, some people have studs in their belly buttons, some people shave their chins every day. If it turns them on, fine. I'd just prefer to go through life without cutting bits off my body when I can avoid it.

Here's a song I wrote when someone working in a supermarket was getting hassled for having a beard.

While shopping at the Superstore
I sometimes feel so insecure -
everything's so neat and clean and trim.
They don't like noone with a beard,
or acting strange or looking weird -
they much prefer you with a foolish grin.

(ch)They don't like beards on the men,
they don't like beads on the women,
they want people just as standard as a pill.
They don't want no raucous laughter,
they just want peace ever after -
they want some kind of robots at the till.

It may sound crazy, but it's actual,
they don't like people if they're natural,
you must be squeaky clean to be OK.
They don't want men with hairy jaws -
why, Jesus Christ or Santa Claus,
they'd never get to work one single day.

(ch)They don't like beards on the men,
they don't like beads on the women,
they want people just as standard as a pill.
They don't want no raucous laughter,
they just want peace ever after -
they want some kind of robots at the till.

I had a dream I half remember
that Christmas waited till December,
and Santa Claus was working on the till.
There was local food from local farmers,
and free range eggs and small bananas,
and the stuff they sold would never make you ill.

(ch)And there were beards on the men,
and there were beads on the women,
people there in every shape ans size,
And all kinds of laughter,
bringing life ever,
Meaning some kind of freedom in our lives.

Well if you find that you agree
that that is how it ought to be,
you could make it happen if you tried.
Oh they can say it's just naive,
but we can get it, if we believe.
There's just some common sense to be applied.

(ch)Like growing beards on the men,
and hanging beads on the women,
people come in every shape and size,
Making all kinds of laughter,
bringing life ever,
Meaning some kind of freedom in our lives.

Or maybe beads on the men,
and maybe beards on the women,
people come in every size and shape.
So raise high the rafter,
and get what you're after -
meaning some kind of freedom and escape.

Tune - more like "Keep your feet still Geordie Hinny" than anything. Or "Plastic Jesus".

"Small bananas" - these of course are the sort that come from peasant famers in the Windward Isles in the Caribbean, which the big American run banana companies like Chiquita are trying to drive out of business, with the help of American government trade sanctions and the good old World Trading Organisation, using trade sanctions to force countries in Europe into line.