I can see a difference in style between this older one and your newer ones. I don't pretend to be an expert on poetry in general, or sonnets in particular, but for what it's worth, there is something appealing and fresh about this older one that I like. I suspect it may be looser in a technical sense, and that may even be part of its charm.

So keep 'em coming. I'm off to bed now for a while. It's 3.22 in the morning here in upside-down land :-)

Jenny