Queen Victoria, she fell in love with me
We were married in Milwaukee secretly
But I got tired and shook her
And went off with General Hooker
Swattin' skeeters down in Tennessee.

But enough about myself. Lemme tell ya about my blood kin.

My brother Tony's had more heart bypasses than anybody else I've ever heard of. Nine of 'em. And if you doubt that, I'll rip his heart out and show ya, dammit!

Now, nephew Tony (my other brother's oldest boy) is into either experimental or theoretical physics. He's goin' to a high-power science school that's got like a million Nobel laureates on the faculty. He kin do seven-dimensional Fourier series in his head while playing chess with Stravinsky or something, and he once won a genuine personal pan pizza for memorizing the value of pi to three HUNDRED decimal places. Over the summer, his dad had to reformat and reload all the stuff on the kid's computer 'cuz the kid had downloaded so many games offen the Internet.

Neice Marian is 14 and runs 12 danged MILES every day forecause she wants to run in a marathon and there ain't nobody chasin' her, either. She also gets straight A's in school and was honored by her class for making them the class with the highest GPA. Worse, she's a knockout of a blonde.

I'm just a lonesome traveler, a great historical bum
Highly educated, through history I have come
I built that rock of ages, it was in the year of one
And that's about the greatest thing that man has ever done.