Dear Mom:

Pat and I are going to go here. We'll be back on Monday.

So, Mom, I'm going to leave you in the somewhat-capable hands of Others. I know that you don't quite trust them, but remember that I'll be back and if I find that you haven't been treated well There Will Be Consquences. I will press charges, swear out warrants, track them down, and in general make those responsible sorry for their actions (or lack thereof).

Have a wonderful time, Mom. Wish you were here.

R