But you must be sure to get the unexpurgated versions. In those you will learn such Ultimate Secrets as the truth of the relationship between Bartholomew Cubbins and the Lorax, what happened to Cindy Lou Who when she grew up and moved to the Big City, why the Grinch REALLY "stole" Christmas, and the Secret Meaning of Yertle's name -- to name just a few things.

You can obtain unexpurgated versions only from the Frater Amos J, son of the notorious "J" who wrote The Sensuous Woman and who is Keeper of the Secret Tracts and Texts for the Temple of the Golden Globes. There is no cost, but you must pay shipping and handling.

Or, you can go to Nag Hamadi and dig around in the desert yourself.