GUEST,G, I could teach you one helluva lot as well, but the reason I wouldn't even attempt it in your case, or in rarelamb's, is that it would be a total waste of time.

But just for kicks, here's your first lesson:

There is the story of the young man who went to an old Buddhist monk and asked the monk if he would be his guru. The monk accepted. Then the young man proceeded to tell the monk of all the books he had read and regaled him with the vastness of his knowledge. The monk listened patiently for awhile, then said, 'Let us have a cup of tea, and then I will give you your first lesson."

He asked the young man to pour, so the young man picked up the tea pot and poured tea into the monk's cup, then into his own, and then set the pot down on the table. The monk picked up the tea pot, reached over, and began pouring more tea into the young man's cup. It overflowed onto the table. He continued to pour until the tea ran all over the table and dripped on the young man's bright new saffron robe. The young man leapt up and said, "What are you doing, you foolish old man?"

The monk said, "That, young man, is your first lesson. You have come to me so full of knowledge that there is no room for me to teach you anything. Come back when you don't know so much."

Don Firth