When I was in the Air Force I had a room-mate from Kentucky. Whenever I asked him if he wanted to do something he'd reply, "might as well...I can't dance...too tall to be a midget n' too short to be a cowboy." He also liked the term "hells-farr."

The late humorist H. Allen Smith devoted several pages of his book "Rude Jokes" to "country-isms" such as:
You look like you been sackin bobcats and run outa sacks.
He was grinnin' like a mule eatin briars.
That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup.
Our place is so far out we gotta grease the wagon twicet before we get to town.
Talk? He could talk a dog down offen a meat wagon.
He smelt like the bottom of the hired girl's trunk.
I was shakin so bad I had to use a funnel to stick a finger up my ass.
She can cook a pancake so thin its only got one side to it.
It was as smooth as the inside of a school teacher's thigh.
She's as happy as a tick in a lap dog's crotch.
He was so drunk he couldn't see through a ladder.
His feet was so big he had to go down to the crossroads to turn around.
and finally....
It's tighter n gnat's ass stretched over a fifty five gallon drum.