Dear Mrs Squeak (or may I just call you Liz the...?),

Poor Limpit! I hope she hasn't been traumatized for life! How could you do that to your own daughter... even at random! Wicked woman!

One has to be lippy oneself to deal with a lippy one and I am fully equal to the job I assure you!

Now to the matter in hand... he's got an axe, a broadsword and a suit of armour (not that his thick skin needs one)... that rules those out. The unwanted and unused ego that someone gave me some Christmas past wouldn't be needed either...

Hmmmm...

SS by Appointment to His Greatness Clinton Hammond