The fact is you learn to play whichever way (by ear or from music) comes easiest naturally, and the the other way tends to get left behind and requires a surprising amount of discipline and practice to catch up. Music students with a good ear find it hard to learn to sight read, and those who learn easily to play from music are likely to rely on the music not to develop a good ear for memorizing a tune.

I was brought up on reading music, though I also spent a lot of time mucking about at the piano keyboard and teaching myself the basics of harmony in the process. But that isn't the same as learning tunes by ear, and as Foolestroupe says, playing classical music from memory isn't the same thing either.

I've learned to pick up tunes by ear from hours of sitting in sessions at folk festivals and similar, just trying to follow what I could. I can now join in with most of a tune I hadn't heard before (if it's not too complicated) by the third time round, but 30 seconds later I've forgotten just about every note of it!

I suspect there are two separate skills involved here: translating what your hear into playing your instrument, and memorizing a tune. I have a theory that the first of these becomes easier when you play more than one instrument, even when reading msic, because it breaks the "this dot here means put that finger there" habit and replaces it with more of "hear what you see, then play what you hear". Anyway both skills can be learned through practice.

Lilyfestre - keep at it, and don't expect instant results!

Anahata