Ted .......... not a lot of people know this. I do not tend to shout it out, but I am a Reverend in the Church of Human Spiritual and have been for some time. In view of your and Penny's differing religions it may be that I am the solution to your problem, however Penny should be aware that I have to exercise the right to Drac de Seigneur with the Bride, the Brides's mother and the Bride's Auntie Pauline.
As for your graveyard buy a goat keeps the grass down lovely and as a goat will be good company for you