There was this old boy in Hawick, he had lost a leg during the First World War. He was single and lived on his pension, in a basement flat, looked after by his sister who looked in on him every now and then.

Now this basement flat was one of those whose only access to the light of day was through an iron grating in the pavement. Now this old guy loved his drink and used to come home well in his cups, get through the front door, fling his crutch to one side and make dive for the bed.

In the early days of the Second World War, when the Germans were going after Clydeside they used to fly over Hawick, this old guy used to carry on as normal, sometimes remembering to put up his 'black out' curtain sometimes not.

One night, he came back from the pub, entered the flat, switched on the light, cast the crutch and dived for the bed. He was woken up by the ARP Warden yelling, "You're showing a light" To which this old guy replied, " What the fuck are they comin' in submarines?"