Susan,

Nothing major, first one looks fine (but scans by others may pick things I've missed!)

Second one:
4th para "All 22 squadrons of the RAF were engaged, many twice and some three timers." Last word should probably be 'times'

Halfway through:
"When Alan and me selected team members for a pickup game of soccer, Doreen would be picked between David and Arthur" should be "Alan & I", but quite acceptable if it was recorded that way as reported speech, as it's a common problem.

Long paragraph just before Sarah goes missing:
"The alley opened out into another street, across from which was a row of bomber-out houses used my many " should be "Bombed-out"


Cheers

Nigel