Man, it's good to hear from you. And you're so right that the home ya left isn't the one you go back to. I can't pretend to know what's in your mind, but I can promise you that I have been having many of the same thoughts lately. This shit is as real as it gets. And no matter how hard people who don't or have never had these thoughts try, there is no way--NO way--they can truly understand. Maybe I need your help as much as you need mine. Please join the 'cat and message me. (The Mudcat will NOT release anyone's e-mail address.)