Like 'em hairy do ya? Well, well, well...have I got the answer for you, ladies! It's time to shake off those lingering specist prejudices and start thinkin' about hookin' up with a chimp. Yessiree. This chimp. You can find my number in the Chicago phone directory under "Private Investigators". I ain't the marryin' kind, but I make a great date for a night on the town with slow dancing, roses, moonlight, the whole labonza. Guaranteed. No rubber bananas.

And get this: I make Sean Connery look almost bald.

- Chongo