dear I'd rather not say,
I posted here not long ago wondering if suicide really was painless,
what caused my aberration was the break-up of a relationship, you don't say if you are in one, but as you say '>>>>>>And then I get to beating myself up for my weakness of character, since I have so much that so many others do not have, and how could I be such an idiot for all this worrying?! I should be so grateful for what I have and who I am! <<<<<<<<<

-is it your relationship that is giving you problems, or merely the state of the world out there?
if it is your relationship, find a friend to give you solace(even a pet)
if it is the world,tricky, for it is chaotic by it's very nature, put some order into it by doing something you like,, and ignore any party-poopers..., plus don't watch any crap T.V soaps!!!!-they are sooo depressing!! .....