IMHO doing something for someone because we find that it is fulfilling and satisfying to us to do so is not selfishness. It is self-love. If I do something for some else mostly to please them in the hope they will love me for it, or do something for me in return, or so they approve of me, then that is selfish love. When I indulge some one because I can't tolerate seeing them unhappy, especially when I know that indulgence is perhaps not good for them, I am being selfish. I am assuaging (spelling?) my own guilt at possibly their expense. (Ex. giving into a child's tears when we have made a wise decision that they don't need another piece of cake.)

Jerry,

Steven Levine, in his hospice work, has said "The only work we have to do is on ourselves." I think he is talking about that same log.

Janie