I am not a frenzied Xmas shopper by any means and do not expect half the stuff I buy to even work, but this year I noticed that there is little or no relationship between a store and its merchandise. For example:
I went to Crate and Barrel and they had neither. I tried Pier 1 and alas there were no piers. I went to Safeway and slipped in the produce aisle and wrenched my back so I hobbled over to Super Fresh where I saw desiccated and moldy strawberries. I limped into the Hearth and Plow and aside from a few fireplace tools they were out of hearths and plows. I tried the Healthy Back store and they too were out. I pulled into a Dodge dealership and was promptly rear ended. I didn't even have a chance to dodge. After we exchanged information the irate salesman who hit me said he knew where I lived and would deal with me later, so I went to Macy's and found out they didn't sell Mace. It was as if I was now on a mission of desperation so against my better judgment, I thought I might check out Walmart. As I expected they had walls but none for sale.

I've heard that nothing is as it seems but today it really hit home.
Just then, my faith was restored when I spotted half a dozen Gun and Liquor stores over on Martin Luther King Blvd.

Don "DaveBerry" Hakman